Everything Summer Blog

Better Parents

With the end-of-year holidays here, it's a good time to look back at the school year and take stock of parenting styles.

A recent op-ed column by Thomas Friedman in The New York Times, "How About Better Parents?" questions whether or not teachers are to blame for the fact that U.S. students don't score as highly as other countries on big international tests. Yes, good teachers are important. But, so are good, involved parents. And, "involved" doesn't necessarily mean what you think it does.

While it is important to attend PTA and school board meetings, volunteer in classrooms, and participate in fund-raising, that will not necessarily drive achievement. The factors that affect achievement are monitoring homework, making sure children get to school, and basically getting involved with children's learning at home. Andreas Schleicher, who oversees exams for the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, told Thomas Friedman that "just asking your child how was their school day and showing genuine interest in the learning that they are doing can have the same impact as hours of private tutoring."

Camp directors and staff know this intuitively. All day long at camp, kids are involved in dialogues with their staff, peers and older campers about what they are doing and learning. So, if your child comes home with a great jump shot or a killer serve, you can certainly credit the great sports instruction. But, you also have to credit the time, energy and involvement of all those who spent time with your child, talked to him/her and discussed his/her day.

No Power: Is It Summer Camp?

Many people were left without power this past week after a freaky October snowstorm. The lack of power was exceptionally inconvenient and in some cases dangerous. Non-working traffic lights, tree debris, downed wires caused accidents. Schools and businesses were closed. Halloween was cancelled or postponed in many communities. Could there possibly be a silver lining?

Friends opened their hearts and homes to others, offering beds, showers, chargers, food, and heat to those without. Their generosity inspired others to do the same once they got back power. Neighbors who usually are too busy to interact made time to commiserate and keep each other apprised of news and progress. Strangers sat in Starbucks and shared tips on keeping warm and communicating with the utility companies.

Deprived of video games, television and internet access, families spent a lot of together time. Board games were played. People read by flashlight. Older children helped take care of younger children - both siblings and friends of the family. Everybody was more patience with each other (except those that really weren't). Meals had to be planned and eaten together. Hair was not blown dry, and no make-up was applied. It became apparent to everyone what was really important - family, friends, and of course, heat, light and food.

It was a frustrating and uncomfortable week for all those that lost power, and it was an experience that no one wants to repeat (there is a run on generators!!). On the other hand, many children wait all year until they can go to summer camp, counting each day until they can get on the bus and reunite with their friends and counselors, their summer family. Yet, some of the things that make summer camp so special are the lack of electronics, the shared mealtimes, and the older children taking care of younger ones. Of course, camp is a lot more - great activities, exciting experiences, etc. But, many of the things that make camp special are less obvious - the send of community, the simplicity of life, shared communal activities, the responsibility and pride in caring for younger children emulating older ones.

Although everyone wants to forget the last week with no power as quickly as they cam, perhaps we should try to remember some of it.

Final Camp Days

Each year as camp nears its end I hear from parents about the final days of camp. Not just the heavy heart of their campers who are so sad to leave, but also both sides of the parent fence - anxious for the kids to finally arrive back home while at the same time sad their spontaneity and freedom are about to end.

This also conjures up memories of the season's camp phone calls home. As one blogger shared on her site, Dads need to get the rules straight about how to maximize each minute of a 10 minute call. This post of hers is incredibly funny, and true, all at the same time.

Some parents have shared that their kids have really grown - well that's what sleepaway camp accomplishes! Whether it is a child overcoming a fear or a habit, becoming more open to new experiences, or older campers making a decision that they love camp but they are ready to more on next summer to a specialized and challenging experience since they will be in high school. It is all good.

The final days of camp are emotionally the best and the rawest. Nothing is more exciting than the final days of Color War, Olympics, or group sing. My kids yearned and looked forward to each summer their camp's silent dinner tradition during the camp's version of Color War. I still hear them talk about it to this day. Emotions are raw because every second counts these final days; it may be weeks or months before they reunite with their summer sisters or brothers. And as I have often shared, the camp bonds tend to be tighter than the friendships back home.

But the group who suffers the most are the graduating campers. While they looked forward each summer to more privileges and responsibilities, this culminating summer where they were the leaders is coming to the end; it really is their final summer as a camper. This is very hard for teens to grasp. I remember both my kids (and I have a girl and a boy) were extraordinarily sad for weeks (even months). To many kids this is harder than moving onto high school. A childhood phase comes to a close. But there is often a future opportunity to return as a staff member or counselor (but the camper status ends sadly.)

Transitions back home can be tough. Parents can't wait to pull their campers back into the real world, while the kids really want to remain campers and be back at camp. So parents, take it slow and read my top tips to help your kids (and you) transition back to home and school life.

And let's begin the countdown to next summer's camp start!

 

Summer Camp Road Trips

As a summer camp expert, each summer I am on the road with my team visiting camps and summer programs to see things firsthand, observe, speak with directors, staff, campers and teens. I learn what has changed, what is new, best practices and more.

So far this summer we have been back to Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Pennsylvania and New York. I am off to Massachusetts this week, and likely back to PA and NY (maybe other areas) to maximize summer camp visits before camp 2011 season is over. It takes 10 months to plan for 2 months, and it goes way too quickly!

Parents often ask what it is I look for when visiting camps and programs. While I share with parents what they should look for when visiting, although family tours can be controlled and planned more by camps, our work is a bit more specific to provide us insights into the quality of the facility, its programs, staff, camper culture and more. In other words, I get to ask more private and trend-related information the camps share with us, not necessarily parents, enabling us to better guide families about camps and programs. So here's a birdseye view into a few things I seek out to observe and learn:

• The welcome - entry, greeting, the camp office and personnel. Tip: we try to listen to public conversations to observe interactions between staff, campers, directors. We also hear how front-line personnel might converse with those on the phone (be it parents, other camps, staff, vendors, etc.)
• The walk - we prefer to walk vs. take a golf cart. This way we get a sense of the lay of the land, how it is kept, how vast or small it is, etc. Do directors proactively pick up litter (while we hope to see none it can happen occasionally)?
• The heat - how is this handled? Take this summer of 100 degree plus days we have had. How shaded or sunny is the camp?
• The waterfront - how far or close is it? How many ski boats are there (and how new are they)? How are water activities handled and their real frequency?
• The talk - how do directors talk to us, and those who interact with them while we are touring? Is it organic or forced? How do campers converse with directors? How do directors speak to staff (we love to see humility and empowerment). And importantly, how do they speak of other camps? Real time story: this summer I revisited a camp in NH; there was a multi-camp sports day occurring while I was there. The camp director spoke well of each camp, but professionally identified a camp with whom they reciprocally have their campers eat at because their staff and campers are respectful and share similar values.
• The issues - while we all hope for trouble free summers, we like to hear that inappropriate staff and campers are sent home for unacceptable behaviors, and most imporantly, bullying. Real time story: this summer we witnessed the aftermath of a camp bully who was sent home after several warnings to change her behavior. There was remorse and discontent amongst that cabin group, but the camp used it as a teachable moment and the girls listened.
• The facility - is it well maintained? What are the new improvements? Are they current with other comparable camps? In what condition are random bunks (not necessarily the one families tour)?What are future plans?
• The food - we do eat at the camps! But when we cannot we look for cleanliness, types of drinks served, how food is served, chat with kids about the food quality, and ask directors about food allergy policies, seeking out physical examples of the allergen management (is a camp really nut-free if they serve peanut butter in a contained area?)
• The activities - where are all the campers? How often are campers really getting their choice activities? Who plays the inter-camps? Are there A/B sports teams? And more.
• The camp culture - values, energy, traditions, geographic and religious representation (of campers and staff) and more.

The list goes on, but our takeaway puts us in a unique position to understand who will succeed at each camp and why. The reason why we love to go on the summer camp road trip each and every summer!

 

 

The Night Before Summer Camp

The last night home before leaving for sleepaway camp conjures up rituals and memories, as a parent, child and even the summer camp expert here. And tonight is that night for me.

Whether your child is going off to camp for the first time, successive summers, or his or her final summer, it is emotional and memorable for everyone. Having lived through so many of these nights, I share my memories and lessons learned, to make it easier for others:

• Share their favorite foods - of course! My kids would often have different requests. So we would bring in from their favorite restaurants. For others it is a special meal a child and/or parent prepares.
• Do a family activity - in our case, movies have been a family bond that ties all of us together. So we'd pick the latest new film (when they were young) and be sure we saw it as a family that last night together. As tastes matured, we moved onto independent films.
• Pack their knapsack together - whether kids go off to camp via a bus, car, plane or train, there remain always a few items that did not get packed in their trunk. Or more importantly, there are some special or personal items you want them to have en route to camp. In our case, it was a new family photo book that included family and close friends, a treasured stuffed animal or comfort item they could use if they wanted to feel close to home or us, favorite music (remember no electronics with video abilities are allowed), favorite dvds to share with the bunk when allowed during movie night (the camp office would hold), snack/gum (remember, they take these away when the kids arrive, so do NOT go overboard with this), book, specialty magazines, any last minute clothes, etc. Remember, they have to be able to carry this knapsack themselves!
• Write a special note - and pack it in their knapsack yourself. My kids cherished these. Notes of encouragement and love go far.
• Talk about happy times and how wonderful camp is - no negative, or 'child sick' talk allowed! This is not the time to talk about important things you forgot to mention. Kids need their parents support and happiness as they go off to camp. If your kids show anxieties, it is normal; be reassuring. You can call the camp in the morning after you drop off your kids to alert them of any last minute conversations of which they should be aware.

Developing rituals around this night will become something all of you look forward to and cherished memories as you and your child reminisce about their camp years.

What are you last-night-before-camp rituals?

The Last Pre-Summer Family Weekend

I choked up when I read yesterday's NY Times article about The Getaway Car, a father's recollection of a final trip with his daughter pre-college. I am sure all parents with teens did.

But thankfully, for the millions of kids who go to overnight camp each summer, their - and their parents - prep for the home-to-college transition - starts early. I remember starting the camp rite of passage with my kids and thinking, wow, college is next! With at least 10 years in between:). It did help for everyone.

What I took away from this article was let your kids separate on their own, and find other things to keep you busy. If you did your job well, they will be excited and transition well. Of course there may be some small speed bumps along the way, but summer camp experiences do create a strong foundation.

Don't run to solve their quandries; rather offer a (your) perspective, and let them digest it. Either they will embrace it on their own, or discard it for their own, which may or may not work. But that is okay; because skinned knees are life lessons.

Take the time to familiarize yourself with their new world; don't judge. Because if you want to be part of their new home, you need to accept their terms and parameters. Remember this is their experience, not yours.

Camp Trunks

As a summer camp expert - and expert camp trunk packer - every year at this time two things happen: I get nostalgic of packing my more than 30+ camper trunks (not to mention the college trunk packing); and my clients ask for me for inside tips.

While it is a great deal of work, it is also an act of love. I remember the painstaking care I took labeling everything (including my insane need to label q-tips boxes as if the kids wouldn't share???), organizing and packing everything in ziploc bags, writing on each the contents and quantity inside, finding the exact center of the trunk of blankets and comforters to waddle and protect my kids tennis racquets. And one never broke!

When I recently shared my memory of this past weekend with my son - the second weekend in June was always the last weekend to finish everything up since trunks would have to be outside the house before dawn the next day (as well as the day of our town's biggest race for education that my husband and I co-produced) - he smirked. He remembers the excitement and countdown to the end of school and the start of camp; my countdown and memories surrounded the packing, prep and pre-camp activities we always planned - a tradition!

I remember telling my kids where I packed certain items so they could readily find them at camp. My kids laughed at my preciseness and organization, but their counselors thanked me every year as this made unpacking at camp and packing at the end so much easier. (So there!) 

I smile now because once the trunks left, I knew we would then have up to two weeks of fun and special times before they departed. With no worries of packing until the last day. Having the rituals and stress earlier made the final pre-camp days blissful. And I always knew they were leaving for the happiest time and place for them: their home away from home, overnight camp!

Teaching Kids Can-Do Skills

As a summer camp expert, I research and visit many, many camps and programs to learn more about them. The one thing I always look to understand is what kind of life skills they are being taught.

An article in today's NY Times, Big Tools for Little Hands, that discusses woodworking for kids, clearly struck me as a physical skill that teaches many wonderful life lessons. So many of the contributors offered sage advice, I want to share some of these wise nuggets:

• Kids spend too much time interacting with perfect interfaces that they need to understand how perfection is achieved by problem solving with their hands
• Give kids the opportunity to build and create things to allow them to express their imagination
• Children are inherently exploratory; previously limited by their imaginations, now it seems so to some extent by their parents
• Lenore Skenazy, of Free Range Kids, chimes in: we've sort of been brainwashed as a culture that our kids are the least competent generation to roam this earth. In every other era, the children were there to help the family survive, as soon as they could
• Parent and teacher supporters of woodworking skills believe they also teach students how to overcome setbacks
• Children are crying out for opportunities to use their creative mind to take creative risks. Woodworking and art supply that
• And the writer ends the article with: There are opportunities all over the country for children to learn building skills - including summer camps (yes!). But be forewarned: Participants may come home with an expanded sense of can-do!

Parents need to let go more and allow their kids to explore the world around them, 'build' their future. And let's face it, woodworking is also a lot of fun (it's one of my favorite areas to explore when I go camp touring:).

 

 

 

Color War: Summer Camp's Ritual

Yesterday the New York Times did an article on the quintessential ritual of summer camp, Color War. I spoke with the writer while she was planning it; sharing the true lessons of camp and how Color War is handled differently by many camps.

When I visit camps each summer, I always ask about traditions; what Color War is called, how many teams there are, how competitive it is, how leaders are chosen (amongst staff and campers), and more. It tells me a great deal about the camp culture. Most families think it is only as the article depicts, a 4 or 5 day event at the end of camp. But with more camps offering shorter sessions, many traditional full season camps wanting to make their version of Color War one of an inbred community all summer long, and others wanting to play down the competition to make non-athletic kids enjoy their participation more, some camps opt to run their version every weekend, or to hold various Olympics type days throughout the summer.

It is electrifying when I visit camps during these times. Energy is high; kids are collaborating; staff are letting the older kids lead (but with ready help by their sides). When I witness 'sing' events, I want to chime in; this happened when I visited a girls camp that cheers at every meal in the dining hall. The most senior girls knew Color War was close, so they broke out into a special pre-Color War cheer; letting the other girls know it was impending. The girls went wild! It was so loud I could not hear the adult next to me!

I wish parents, non-camp alumni or those who don't understand the intense bond and experience of Color War, could be a fly on the wall during my visits. The happiness, sense of community, camaraderie, silliness and teamwork are second to none. Go Camp!

PS The on line version of New York Magazine did an opinion post today on the NY Times article. Some of the comments share insights on camp's magic; others don't necessarily get it.  

Summer Gadget Fun

To celebrate the launch of the latest iphone 4 today, I thought I'd share some cool gadgets to capture summer fun. Remember, if your kids are going to camp, check the electronics policies. Almost none allow any mechanisms that have video capability; and do not take the risk of something valuable getting lost. But bring those nifty flip-cam and smart phones to say good bye and attend visiting day. You want those memories documented!

The New York Times did a nice article recently on some gadgets. Here are my picks:

• Compact travel buddy cameras that fit in a pocket or small purse. Some have a GPS function that lets you plot where the photo was shot (almost foursquare-like??). It also shoots high definition video.
• Outdoors, underwater cameras. Good choice for adventures and fits in a pocket. Take it on a trail, bike ride, the pool or even snorkeling (high definition video lets you remember what you really saw, with your expressions). And dropping it does not mean it will break.
• budget-minded, and for the less sophisticated - kids and teens (and less tech-oriented parents, like me). Apparently its easy features make it almost foolproof for novices (think I'll seriously look into this one).

Other good travel gadget sources and ideas include walkabouttravelgear.com for tech travel supplies, skype for calling, yelp for reviews, tripit for organizing itineraries, e-readers for the beach. But one of the best leisure travel all-in-one gadgets is the ipad if you can spring for it (it gets my husband's approval!).